Dear Mr. Geisel,
Due to the high volume of submissions I receive, I typically send form rejections. However, your manuscript is so terrible I feel I must respond in person. Needless to say, this project isn’t right for us. Allow me to expound.
Do you really expect today’s uber-health-conscious parents to promote poor breakfast choices by reading this book to their children? Seriously, it’s high-cholesterol and it’s been injected with green food coloring. Furthermore, you have overlooked crucial details: are the eggs from cage-free chickens? Is the ham made from organically-raised pigs, without the use of hormones or antibiotics? I mean, have you even seen the movie “Babe”? Have you looked at the current food trends in this country? With “doctor” as part of your pseudonym, I must say I expected you to have done your research.
In terms of your illustrations – well, I’m not sure that revealing the fact that you imbibed a space rocket full of LSD in college should be part of the platform for a prospective children’s author. Food suggestions are not your strong suit, nor is humor. There is nothing funny about the wildly improper grammar of the name Sam-I-Am. I recommend you try writing something else. Or perhaps you should try blogging awhile to strengthen your chops before trying your hand at another book. I only hope it won’t be as ludicrous or outrageous as this submission.
Warm regards, C.M. Rivers